News - Every Man's Battle

Regret and Restoration

Steve Arterburn — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 21:13:32 -0400

‘If only” is a haunting phrase. It implies that you failed and that you wish you could go back and do things differently.

When you dare to see the truth and accept responsibility for your life, you may feel sad and ashamed. You may regret your irresponsibility and destructive behavior and wish you could erase past mistakes. The Bible is full of stories like this’stories of regret. Take for example the Old Testament book of Zephaniah. The prophet Zephaniah condemned the idol worship and self-center living of the nation Judah. If only they had obeyed and trusted God instead of going their own way!

This book shows us how many of our troubles are a direct consequence of our irresponsibility. The nation Judah was irresponsible in her relationship with God. She worshipped false gods and ignored God’s laws, which were intended for her own good. But Zephaniah made it clear that their irresponsibility would carry heavy consequences.

With the help of Zephaniah and King Josiah the people confessed their sins, took responsibility for their lives, and turned back to God. As a result, they received substantial healing and restoration. When you are irresponsible in your relationship with God and others, your situation will grow progressively worse. The process of your spiritual renewal may start out painfully. When you confess the truth about yourself, it hurts. But as you begin to see the truth, speak the truth, and accept responsibility for your life, you’ll discover the great relief and hope that God offers.

Steve Arterburn

James And Jude

Steve Arterburn — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 20:01:40 -0400

Do you have an older sibling? It can be difficult to live up to the high standards set by older brothers and sisters. It can be equally difficult, and sometimes more painful, to live down the reputation of a notorious or embarrassing older sibling. James and Jude are two men in the Bible who had to deal with both challenges. Their older brother Jesus was both perfect and, in their minds, embarrassing.

Jesus must have been a hard act to follow, don’t you think? It may have been difficult for James, Jude, and the rest of their siblings to feel close to their wonderful, though different, big brother.

After Jesus’ public ministry began, his brothers James and Jude seemed to take a stand-back-and-watch attitude. One day Jesus would do great miracles and be acclaimed as a hero. The next, he would present a convicting message and offend the powerful religious and political authorities. In the end, he angered too many people and was sentenced to death. He’d claimed to be not only the promised Messiah but also God himself! No doubt, James and Jude thought their brother had gone off the deep end.

Yet the resurrection of Jesus overcame the doubts of his younger brothers, who later became leaders in the early church. Both brothers are remembered for the letters in Bible they wrote.

This same power that transformed James and Jude can transform you, too, and turn you from an unbelieving cynic to a faithful follower of Christ.

Steve Arterburn

Why Hasn’t God Delivered Me From This Sexual Struggle?

EMB — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 23:49:45 -0400

The story line for myself and many Christian men wanting to achieve sexual integrity often feels like an endless pattern of short-term successes and long-term failure. Exasperated, I turned to God crying out, “remove this thorn!” But He didn’t. Hey God, why not? If God is good, and He is; if God is love, and He is; then what’s up with that? There must be another message that God is giving me and it’s not sinking in. Why have I not been delivered from this? The thorn remains.

Paul reports his experience of praying for God to remove a sin pattern that he was unable to master, his personal thorn in 2 Corinthians chapter 12. There is much speculation of what Paul’s thorn actually was but nobody knows for certain. However, I definitely know what mine has been. Perhaps you do as well. Paul prayed three times to have this ‘thorn’ removed. The Lord’s answer: Uh-uh, nada, zilch, negatory, no deal. God did not deliver Paul from his personal thorn either. Sometimes God is like that; He doesn’t always do the straightforward thing. Paul prayed and did not get the obvious and expected solution. God was up to something else. God was teaching Paul a deeper spiritual truth. For some things, God wants us to rely on Him much more than we normally would. The answer was elucidated for Paul when he writes, “When we are weak, then we are strong…. (2 Cor. 12:10)”.

So, I am spiritually strong when I can confess that my puny human strength fails me. I can identify with that. I cannot maintain my sexual integrity in my own strength, in my own power, through my efforts. God has to supply the strength. The flesh nature is not strong enough and it never will be. But, rather, it is a confession that sets me free from continuing in my futile attempts. It also disrupts the powerlessness and shame of failure that lead to despair. The despair sets in motion a cycle that leads to more acting out. By confessing that I don’t have what it takes I find healing. I can now agree with Paul that the secret of my strength will be in a willing confession that I don’t have what it takes. Nor will I ever. This has been very restorative. Additionally, knowing that each time I cry out for His strength and relying on Him will make me spiritually stronger. Hallelujah! Now I get it… duh!

Still, asking for help (cf., my article in the archives on the H-bomb) takes a lot of courage and strength, and/or desperation. Not only the first time, but every time. Eveeerrrry time! Even now, I have to rely on His strength and I have to ask for it. It has taken such a long, long time to follow through and maintain this strategy. After millions of failures (it seemed like that many) I felt like turning away from God and giving up hope because of the depth of my despair. I was humiliated and hated myself for not being able to overcome my acting out. As a Christian I thought that I should be able to overcome this sin sooner. But the spiritual truth that God taught Paul is that I do not have it within me… at all. Ever. It is a theological fact. Period.

Initially, I was taught that I needed a Savior to overcome my sinful nature. But, somewhere along the way, I got it in my head that now that I have been a Christian for a while I should somehow be able to achieve moral victories through my own efforts. The misconception was that by this stage of my Christian walk I should have accumulated enough of ‘whatever’ to achieve moral victory. Failure translated into the belief that there was something lacking in me. There was, what has always been there, my human nature. I cannot save me from myself. Knowledge is one thing. Understanding is another. Until the knowledge in my head drops into the heart of my understanding it is like a banging gong and a clanking cymbal. I am strong only when I confess I am weak. To take it a step further in this weak-strong principle, we must rely on others. It is another aspect of accepting my weakness. But… that is an article for another day. Blessings.

For more help on this subject see Every Man's Battle.

by Sam Fraser

Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle

EMB — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 22:07:50 -0400

I was smitten from my first sight of him. The first time I held my newborn son in my hands the tears began to well up in my eyes. A deep sense of love enveloped me when I looked into his amazing eyes. I loved that little guy with everything within me. I thanked God for him and I pledged him back to God from that moment. I was struck with the tremendous stewardship responsibility that I now had, to raise him to become a godly young man. I knew that I could not complete that task without God’s help and the help of many others along the way.

Now he’s 14 years old, stands 5’8” tall, and he’s strong enough to fold me into a pretzel. He routinely aces me on the tennis court. He’s a fullback on his freshman soccer team and he feels responsible for every ball that an opponent gets past him and into the net. He’s smart and brave and he wants to show others that he has what it takes to be a man. I will probably not know if I have successfully completed my task of parenting him until he is in his thirties. The indicator will be whether or not he is living a God -honoring life and rearing godly children.

I don’t know about you, but the challenge of shepherding my son through his young adult years with purity as the goal has been a daunting one for me. How can I talk to him about purity when my own sexuality has been complicated? I have had to deal with my own issues on the subject. We all know intuitively that we need to be the one talking to our kids about sex, but how do we do it? I am an imperfect parent, but I want to pass along some tips and strategies that I have learned from others and have used with my son.

The first is the principle that RELATIONSHIPS COME FIRST. As long as I keep the relationship that I have with my son strong, then he will be willing to receive guidance and coaching from me. As Josh McDowell says, RULES WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP LEADS TO REBELLION. I look for ways to spend time with him. Relationship growth occurs when we do things together like going to his games, working together on projects, playing pool with him, and taking him camping with me. It helps me to relate to my son and for my son to relate to me. Relationships are what life is all about. I want him to know deeply and intimately how to connect with another person in a life-long committed relationship. I want him to experience it first in our father/son relationship. Eventually he will transfer that into a relationship with his wife.

Sex education is really not so much a matter of providing information as it is a matter of deliberate character formation. The first messages are the most potent; it is far more powerful to form a child’s view of sexuality from scratch than it is to correct the distortions the child will pick up in the world. This is a concept that I picked up from a very helpful book by Stanton and Brenna Jones, entitled How & When to Tell Your Kids About Sex. In fact, it was their book that gave me what I needed to know and say to my son when we had our first “key talk” in a local restaurant. After I finished my explanation he asked, “Dad, do you eat that green stuff?” as he pointed to the parsley on my plate. I took my son camping for a weekend before he entered junior high school. Together we listened to the “Preparing for Adolescence” tapes by James Dobson and we talked about the content of the tapes. Between disc golf and fishing we discussed what would be happening to him in the coming years. We spent a weekend at a sexual abstinence until marriage conference interacting with various speakers, presentations and youth events. We went to a Promise Keeper rally for youth where the message of purity was presented through music, worship, extreme sports, speakers, and multimedia. I take him to church regularly and help him plug in with youth groups and their events. Now he is attending Young Life where the message of purity will be reinforced. I want him to know about redemption when he stumbles and about the love of his creator sustaining him throughout his life.

Look for opportunities that will challenge both you and your son such as rock climbing, rappelling, or canoeing. Bathe your son and his future wife in prayer. Let’s talk about how it turns out when our sons are in their thirties.

by Kent Ernsting

A Partial Fast

Steve Arterburn — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:27:33 -0400

Do you feel like your being swallowed up by life? Fasting can be an effective means of keeping you from being consumed by your surroundings. Daniel’one of the leading Jewish young men taken into captivity by King Nebuchadnezzar’undertook several disciplines in order to maintain his faith and identity. His decision to fast was one of the most visible ways by which he avoided being fully absorbed into that culture.

Daniel did something in particular that you might find helpful. He frequently practiced partial fasts in which he abstained from certain items but not from food altogether. A partial fast is a limitation of food or drink but not a complete abstention from them. A good way to develop the discipline of partial fasting is to begin with a fast from lunch one day to lunch the next. You can choose to give up soda or certain types of food you’d normally eat during this time. Instead of eating, take time to pray and read your Bible.

A normal fast can often be more disruptive to daily life’and that’s a good thing at times. But at other times you may sense the need to support your prayers or spiritual activities with fasting, but feel the need to sustain your food intake. In such times, you may give up certain items’and these don’t have to be limited to food. How about fasting from video games, Internet surfing, or television?

Steve Arterburn

A Better Way

Steve Arterburn — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 21:26:53 -0400

Men, let’s get honest for a moment. Too many of us travel through life basing our decisions on how they make us feel and what you experience. We don’t study God’s Word enough and spend too little time in prayer.

Consequently, we have very little knowledge of the Good Shepherd who beckons us to follow Him, no matter how we feel and regardless of our circumstances.

How about considering a transformational alternative? If you place your focus squarely upon Christ, over time it will become second nature to look to Him and not to yourselves. You will not get lost when you enter the dark seasons of life. Jesus will be your unshakable horizon. Your focused gaze upon Him will keep you from altering your direction due to momentary discomfort or the temptation of temporary gratification. You won’t drift off into spiritual shipwreck!

Listen to the Word of God in Malachi 3:6: ‘I the Lord do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.’ In a world that is endlessly fickle and fleeting, God is an immovable Rock.

Our faith, when focused on the true God, will not be shaken by adversity or temptation. As long as we hold tightly to Him by faith’trusting in His goodness and love’we can come through pain and struggle with a deeper and richer relationship with Jesus, rather than a strained faith resulting from a prolonged failure to seek and see our true God.

Start today. Step out in faith. Walk on the water. It’s scary at first, but actually pretty cool once you get out there.

Stephen Arterburn

Visual Stimulation and Sexual Integrity

EMB — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 07:05:11 -0400

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - from First Things First by Steven Covey

Visual stimulation is a common struggle—so common, in fact, that I’d say it’s almost universal. If you’re a man serious about sexual purity, your inner man is going to be attacked by two formidable challengers: erotic images and memories of past sexual encounters. Both of these are powerful opponents; both can be faced and conquered. Erotic images pose a challenge. I dare you to try to escape them. There was a time you could do so pretty easily just by avoiding pornographic magazines, but those days are long gone. Take a drive and you’ll see some model flashing her wares on a billboard. Thumb through a magazine—a regular magazine, mind you—and you’ll get hit with clothing ads that show more flesh than clothes. Watch television and you won’t get away from sexual themes no matter what channel you turn to. Try as you may, you can’t get away from erotic images without going into hibernation. In our modern cult of physical beauty, the gods and goddesses of the Perfect Physique demand your attention wherever you are.

Exercise the Emotional Muscles of SELF-RESTRAINT and MENTAL DISCIPLINE! The Payoffs are Incredible!!
You probably respond to erotic images according to cycle: visual contact, stimulation, sexual arousal. You notice, or “flash on,” a picture that got your attention, whether or not you wanted it to. There’s a quick charge of stimulation, a recognition of the kind of image or person that excites you. You feel pulled into the image, prone to linger over it and consume it. Sexual arousal follows, with a drive to unite with the image in a mental sexual encounter. You can abort this cycle through, again, simple decision-making. Integrity is a process of daily decisions to remain consistent with your beliefs. Nine times out of ten, you don’t decide to flash onto the magazine picture, billboard, or attractive woman walking down the street: she’s simply there. But at the moment of recognition (“Wow, that’s just my type”), you can decide to move on. The earlier you decide, the easier it is not to be obsessed with the image.

Your responsibility is not to keep beautiful women out of your field of vision (an impossibility) or to force yourself not to be attracted by them. Rather, you’re responsible to keep moving, not letting yourself dwell on what you are seeing. You grow considerably each time you do this, because you exercise the emotional muscles of self-restraint and mental discipline. The payoffs are incredible. Remember, it is no sin to be tempted. It only becomes a sin when you act upon or deliberately feed temptation. It is up to God, not you, to diffuse the power of sexual attractions, so don’t take responsibility for what you cannot control. As a man who’s committed to fighting every man’s battle, you’ve got enough to contend with as it is.

by Joe Dallas

Male Visual Stimulation

Steve Arterburn — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 22:19:34 -0400

Men tend to be highly visual. Consequently, they also tend to be very susceptible to sexual temptation when it’s presented visually. Put bluntly: most men have eyes that follow every short skirt that walks by. This presents a huge obstacle to marital intimacy. One disgruntled wife put it simply: ‘Men are pigs.’ And to the extent we choose our own way rather than purifying our eyes and submitting out behaviors to God, it’s an apt indictment.

Consider this letter I received from a reader of my book, Every Man’s Battle:

‘My husband has bought into the lie that ‘all men look’ because they’re so visual. He read your book Every Man’s Battle, but he still says it’s impossible for any real man to avoid looking at a babe in a string bikini. This bothers me, but he’s threatened me with divorce if I don’t stop ‘nagging’ him about this’I'm sick to my stomach to think that for the rest of my life, I’ll be robbed of fullness in my marriage. Because this bothers me so much, and because my husband is so sick of being reminded of it, he does it even more now! Can you imagine? Everywhere I go with my husband I know I can’t keep his attention. NOWHERE!’

Note her pain, men. The lust of your eyes hardens your heart and blinds you to your own wife. This dishonors both your wife and the God who so graciously gave her to you.

Integrity Equals Security

Steve Arterburn — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 07:49:25 -0400

Proverbs 10:9 contains a wonderful promise for you’a promise worthy t think on. The text reads like this: ‘The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.’

In other words, the immediate, day-to-day benefit of the man who walks with an undivided heart before God is security.

And why wouldn’t it be? The man this text describes has undivided loyalties. His choices are clear. He has no hangovers of character to nurse. When he’s away on business, he’s the same person as when he’s at home. He’s the same guy on Friday and Saturday nights as he is on Sunday morning. He’s a father who says what he does and does what he says. He’s a husband his wife can trust, respect, and follow.

This is a man who has matured beyond the point of needing instant gratification. Imagine it! Feeling good is replaced by feeling right about yourself before God. And when you feel right about yourself, no matter what your circumstances or your mood, you are content and connected to God, your family, and your purposes as God’s man. Now that’s security without stress. That’s the blessing of walking with integrity before God.

Now let me ask you this: does that sound as good to you as it does to me? It’s God’s desire for your life, men. So let it become your desire as well. Let it become your prayer, your passion, and your pursuit.

Steve

Tearing Down Idols

Steve Arterburn — Mon, 31 May 2010 21:43:07 -0400

King Asa lived at a time when the Israelites had given themselves over to idolatry. They basically thumbed their nose at God and believed their way of living, contrary to His instructions, was right.

But when the king heard the message of the prophets, he destroyed the idols the people were worshipping. Asa restored the altar of the Lord. He even removed his own mother from her position of power because she’d been influencing Israel in their idolatry.

When you think of idolatry, you might consider it a phenomenon of times past. But that’s a big mistake. Our culture is rife with idolatry, and our own hearts are very susceptible to it.

As God continues His work in you, it’s crucial that you recognize the idols our culture bows before and that you don’t get caught up in treating them as idols yourself. Things like money, power, possessions, titles, comfort, superficial beauty, or any number of things that usurp what belongs only to God.

In the end, you’re called to do something very much like king Asa did: crush and burn the idols in your own thinking and in your heart. Guys, God has called you to redirect your life in order to follow Him. That means moving against the stream of this world, and the things it worships in place of God.

But take heart: God always supplies the ability to accomplish what He asks of you. He’ll be there for you, empowering and encouraging you all the way home.

Steve A.

Real Men Are Always

Steve Arterburn — Mon, 24 May 2010 07:45:00 -0400

The masculine stereotype demands that men are healthy, strong, and self-sufficient. Admissions of weakness are seen as contradictions of manliness. Yet listen to these findings by Dr. David Forrester: • By age six, boys perceive themselves less vulnerable to illness and injury than girls.• Men experience more accidental injuries and coronary artery disease than women.• Men die more frequently than women from an array of respiratory illnesses.• A higher proportion of men suffer from physical limitations due to chronic conditions.• Men engage in more physical activities characterized by risk, aggression, and violence than do women.• The average women will outlive the average man by seven to eight years.• And yet, men see physicians less often, take fewer days off from work, and spend less time convalescing in bed than women! Men are expected to be rough-and-tumble, which exposes them to heightened potential for illness and injury. The expectation to be competitive and self-reliant discourages any admission of weakness or incapacitation. Therefore, countless men everyday deny their ailments, ignore medical care, and disregard time they need to recover from sickness and injury. Men, part of coming to terms with what it means to be a man requires coming to terms with your physical limitations and weaknesses. The myth that men are physically invulnerable is dangerous. Have you bought into this masculine stereotype?

Stephen Arterburn

True Identity

EMB — Tue, 18 May 2010 12:35:52 -0400

Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? What have I been designed to do? What is my identity? Perhaps the runaway success of Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life indicates that incredible numbers of people are searching for the answers to those same questions. Every man battles with these same issues every day. Steven Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, says “Identity is Destiny.”

Who we think we are determines who we become, our dreams for the future and how we go about making those dreams become a reality. As young boys we are told to, “Be a man” or “Act like men.” But how does our culture define masculinity? Movies, media and athletes practically shout their answers to the question. Is the ultimate man John Wayne, solitary and heroic, who is never intimately connected to anyone? Or perhaps it is a James Bond kind of guy smart, suave and debonair. He has a bunch of one-night stands. The message is that sex, without connectivity, validates maturation and masculinity. Or perhaps it is a sports hero with glorified images of power and strength and athletic ability? Or perhaps manhood is all about money and power. Success is measured by net worth and your value as a man is based on the size of your bank account, your house, the car you drive, or the prestige of your job title. These are all examples of false masculinity. There is no relational piece to it at all. Where does that whole setup leave us? Isolated and alone. Hiding who and what you really are. If you’re hiding your true identity then you can’t connect with anyone else. These images of masculinity promise satisfaction but always disappoint. There’s a huge bait and switch going on here.

John 10:10 identifies who is behind the spirit of the age and points to the One who has the solution to this dilemma. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” If men are to discover and live out their calling as men then we must uncover and embrace our God given identity. At the core of the crisis that men face is that we lose touch with our true identity. We lose the fascination with the story God wants to tell through our lives. The enemy of our soul is so enraged with the image of God that is reflected in you that he will hurl his mightiest weapons right at your soul. The thief is attempting to steal, kill, and destroy your identity, who God says you really are as a man. If he succeeds then he will render you spiritually impotent. He will kill your heart by watering down your true identity and slowly seducing you into living for a small god with shallow dreams.

With our identity stolen, we numb ourselves to escape this false identity by watching TV, surfing the Internet, or working too much. We struggle with pornography or creating fantasies or becoming workaholics. Men are bored. What is our true identity? Genesis 1:26-27 tells us, “Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the bird of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.'”

What did God have in mind when he created man? In the ancient near East the kings had a special advisor. The role of this advisor was to remind the king of his plans and to keep him on course. It is from the name of this adviser that we get our word “man.” The Hebrew meaning of the word “man” is “the remembering one who takes action.” Men express God’s movement and action. Men ask, “Am I dangerous?” God created men to uniquely move into chaos and mystery and have a vision for what it could be and create it. As men we can move into the uncertainty of circumstances that we don’t understand and cannot predict. We can move into the uncertainty of how people will respond to us. And having a vision for what our wives and children can become as image bearers we move into changing our generation. We move into leaving a legacy by embracing who we are and whose we are. We are faced with a choice today. Embrace your true identity or run from it.

by Kent Ernsting

The Pursuit of Purity

EMB — Fri, 14 May 2010 08:51:39 -0400

Psalm 119:9: “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Thy word.”
Matthew 5:8: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

Pursuing purity is a reality for every believer in Christ. Yes, even those who struggle with sexual addiction and lust. What seems impossible with man is possible with God. God is able to transform us through the renewing of our mind and lives. I see purity as an attitude of the heart that will result in a lifestyle change. It is an active decision every day to commit yourself to the pursuit of purity. “One day at a time” is the expression used in AA. Each morning you decide for moral purity. Keeping yourself pure according to “Thy word” requires a daily plan. Essential to your plan is another heart attitude, humility. Humility is best reflected in the example Christ set for us to follow. Paul, in Philippians 2: 3-8, reminds us of the importance of focusing on the needs of others and not exclusively our own, which so characterizes our selfish nature. Humility of mind reminds me daily that, apart from Christ, I can do nothing. I am dependent on Him to be able to live right. Pride is the opposite of humility, an attitude that says I can do this myself without God. Just remember where that attitude (pride) got you.

So the commitment to be morally pure is a daily one, where you build new patterns of thinking and behaving motivated by a change in heart. Peter put it this way in 2 Peter 1:5-8: “Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge; and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness; and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Job made a covenant with his eyes to not look lustfully on a woman. Learning to turn away from lustful thoughts requires the daily discipline of replacing old thoughts and sinful patterns with new and God honoring ones. In your daily plan, be sure to include scripture memorization, mediation, and study of God’s word. Find a bible study group or take a class with others. Learning the scriptures and encouraging one another makes studying enjoyable and enriching. Doing this also helps you build relationships where you can develop accountability and fellowship.

Another part of your daily plan in pursuit of purity is to have a means of confession or honest discussion about your thought life. I know that when we admit any thoughts that bother us to another, the thoughts lose their power. Having another person pray with you can really encourage you. James 5:16 is a reminder of the power of confession, and Hebrews 10:24-25 exhorts us “to consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking the assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.” Having another person to share with also helps you overcome the deceitfulness of your own heart (Jeremiah 17:9). Asking someone to mentor you in the spiritual disciplines can really be helpful. Look for people who have walked with the Lord and have a mature walk with God. Ask your Pastor for guidance to find someone to mentor you. Sponsors, like mentors, are very helpful in your specific area of recovery. They guide and coach you in the recovery process. A spiritual mentor may not have specific knowledge about addiction, but would bring the wisdom and knowledge that comes with walking in relationship with God. You need both.

In closing, as you seek God in pursuit of purity, He will enable you to develop the disciplines that have been lacking in your life. Ask Him to give you a heart inclined towards purity. As Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

by Chris Cole

Vegas In The Middle East

EMB — Wed, 05 May 2010 12:11:45 -0400

Take gambling-obsessed Las Vegas, drug-crazed Amsterdam, and the super-sexed red-light district of Bangkok. Now roll them together. That approximates the reputation of Sodom and Gomorrah.

God decided to take action against these cities. Abraham pleaded with God to halt His judgment so long as fifty righteous men could be found in them. At the end of Abraham’s pleas, the number was reduced to ten.

But Abraham was overly optimistic in hoping that ten righteous men could be found there. When God sent two angels to inspect Sodom, Abraham’s nephew Lot asked them to stay in his house for the night. What happened? In one of the Bible’s most grisly scenes, a rowdy gang of men gathered outside Lot’s house demanding that the guests be sent out so they could have their way with them. That’s where we get the term sodomy.

God’s patience was exhausted. He displayed His holiness and righteous judgment by destroying Sodom and Gomorrah. But in His mercy, God allowed Lot and his family to escape judgment by leaving this horrible place. Yet, they were reluctant to leave!

Men, Lot had grown accustomed to his evil surroundings. He’d learned to feel at home there. Can you relate? You’re called to live in this world, and it’s an evil world. The solution isn’t to search for paradise on earth. Only the coming of God’s kingdom will bring this. But at the same time, beware: don’t let this world make it’s home in your heart.

Steve A -

Elements of Building Strong Male Friendships

EMB — Mon, 03 May 2010 08:33:18 -0400

What are some of the elements of building strong male friendships?

Authentic. Male friendships that go the distance are authentic. Be yourself and be real. Allow the real you to emerge. Take down masks that hide your true self from others. Strong friendships grow where the roots go deep, down to the depths of our heart. Don’t allow yourself to hide behind surface comments, such as answering the question “How are you doing?” with the response “OK,” “Good,” or “Fine.” A relationship that is real includes both your strengths and weaknesses. Be open, real, vulnerable, honest and sincere. Share your struggles with your friend. Risk exposing yourself as you really are. When we risk sharing our struggles with grace-giving others, we find that they accept us regardless of our faults, and we experience the joy of acceptance. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other.” (James 5:16)

Friendships must be cultivated; they’re not automatic. I have lost touch with former friends by neglecting to stay in touch with them. Spending time together is required. Stay in touch with each other periodically. Make the phone call to initiate getting together with your friend. Friendships require commitment and devotion to one another.

Laugh and enjoy some fun activities with your friends. Do something different with your friend such a getting together at a park and taking a walk while you talk. Enjoy a game of golf or tennis together. Go camping together. Some of my most cherished memories of high fidelity moments with my friends have occurred when we take our annual backpacking trip. This has become a much-anticipated weekend with just the guys. We get away to a remote area, explore, challenge each other and ourselves and stretch beyond our normal comfort zone. We serve each other and tell stories. Around the campfire we talk honestly about our lives, our loves, our disappointments, our failures, our hopes and dreams. There is tremendous camaraderie that is built during such weekends. It is fun to read their annual Christmas letter in which they inevitably mention the “Scratch and Spit” weekend as one of the highlights of the year. “[There is] a time to …laugh, a time to…dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:4)

Avoid isolation. It is our natural tendency to withdraw from others and it can often become unhealthy. Solitude is fine but isolation is deadly. Why do you think that “solitary confinement” is one of the worst punishments devised by men?

Friends are essential; they’re not optional. There is no substitute for a friend. A friendship provides someone to care, listen, comfort, and even reprove. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) We are not self-sufficient.

Encourage one another. Many of us grew up in families where affirmation was withheld. All of us need encouragement in facing life’s demands, worries and defeats. Cheer one another on, lift their spirit by exhibiting a spirit of grace. Look them in the eye and tell them what you see when they have demonstrated a character quality which you admire. Commit to praying for them by name every day of the coming week. Put an arm around them and let them know that you believe in them.

Friendships impact our lives for good or ill; they’re not neutral. If you connect with good people you become a better person. “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” (Proverbs 13:20). If you connect with bad people, you become like them. “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Choose your friends carefully, prayerfully and wisely.

Be confidential. Hold confidential information that is shared with you close to your heart. You will damage the friendship and possibly harm your friend if you share this information with others, even as a prayer concern. Trust is built on a foundation of confidence that what I share with you will stay with you.

Allow him to be himself, don’t try to change him. Give him the freedom to be himself without pressuring him to become someone else. Allow him to make mistakes, to be human, loyally maintaining the relationship regardless of his ups and downs. “Love is patient, love is kind…it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Protect him. Look out for things that may harm your friend, help to protect him from danger. Watch each other’s back.

by Kent Ernsting

Know Your Weaknesses

Steve Arterburn — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 08:30:04 -0400

We all have inherent weaknesses that make us vulnerable to particular kinds of sin, don’t we? That means something that’s a snare for one man may be completely harmless for another. But one thing we all have in common is that we each must accept responsibility for ourselves. That means you need to guard against anything that exploits our weaknesses and provides a situation where it will be easy for you to stumble into sin.

It’s a mistake to think that temptation only exists outside of us. Problems happen when things outside of us stir up and stimulate dispositions already resident within us. James 1:14-16 says, ‘Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. So don’t be misled.’

Men, part of taking responsibility for your own sinful desires means you need to identify and avoid locations, situations, or people that trigger temptation. It’s not always easy. Often such things seem innocent enough, and sometimes they’re things in which we find comfort’or escape.

But as difficult as this may be, it’s essential that you know yourself and your weaknesses well enough to know what is dangerous, what is harmful, and what is simply a waste of your time and energy. You’ll avoid a lot of grief and pain simply by avoiding those things that provide the opportunity and occasion to stumble.

Steve Arterburn

Dropping the H-Bomb

EMB — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:27:20 -0400

There is a word in the English language that I have personally experienced and, over the years, have also found to be true for men almost universally. The hardest word for the male gender to accept is a 4-letter word. It begins with the letter H. Can you say H-E-L-P? Or should I write HELP! Although I have no research that proves this to be true, I do believe it must be genetic. To ask for directions is hard enough but to ask for - - - - is impossible. It goes against our maleness. It is down right unmasculine.

So much of what we learn from the world about what it means to be a man is the opposite of what the Bible teaches. From the world’s perspective of manliness, asking for help means I am weak, I can’t make it by myself, and I am a wimp… or worse. Humiliation and shame move in. However, spiritually speaking, to declare the need for help is to initiate the truth that sets us free. So much of the Scriptures declare that we can’t make it on our own. It takes great courage and strength to confess our true condition. "I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid…” said Adam. Help! The shame of being needy is like being a ‘girly man’ in the world’s eyes.

There is a difference between humiliation and humility. Humility is the ability to ask for help and not be ashamed of having emotional needs. God has designed us for relationships and yet our culture and gender icons espouse independence and self-reliance. That sets us up for humiliation. “There’s no crying in baseball.” It’s just not in baseball, it has become a way of life and applies to all areas of life as men. We learned long ago as boys on the playground that being needy or asking for help was a source of teasing and ridicule so we learned to bury that side of ourselves. Now, we cover it up and become self-contained rather than risk humiliation. In its place we learned to ignore, deny, minimize, and rationalize our feelings. In many aspects of our lives we can get away with that strategy. But when it comes to this on-going issue with our out of control sex drive, we need the support of other men. Not women. Men!

What is a man to do? Scriptures constantly point to the reality that we need a Savior, that we can’t do it in our own abilities and resources. Paul prays in Colossians 1 that we do not rely on our own ‘puny’ human strength, but rather experience the power of God’s supernatural strength. Truly, accepting that we are needy and must receive help from others is a spiritual reality and is the beginning of sexual freedom. So many of us try to fight this battle with sexual temptation on our own, isolated and alone, only to end up failing miserably over and over.

In the Every Man’s Battle workshop, every man who has failed admits not having a band of brothers he can be vulnerable with and share the shame and humiliation of this struggle. It is not that there are no men’s groups out there, rather it is reaching out asking for help that hinders our growth. Utilizing these resources can be the way God leads us back to community, to being whole. No more lone ranger.

There are two steps to getting help. The first is to reach out. The second, actually utter the word HELP! Don’t let what happened to me happen to you. I realized I needed help but didn’t know how to ask. God allowed circumstances which forced me to get help. My situation came crashing down on me. We can come to the rock to be broken or we can allow circumstances to take their natural course and be crushed. Either way God will bring us into a place of restoration and reconciliation with Him. Freedom! If you have a choice I recommend the former!

by Sam Fraser

Creating Your Boundaries

EMB — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:46:54 -0400

Men, establishing personal boundaries is imperative to your spiritual freedom and vitality. These boundaries should be intentional and thought out ahead of time; while in the midst of temptation is no time to attempt to put them in place. They should be determined by and measured against God’s word. And finally, boundaries should be appropriately and strategically customized to your unique life situation and struggles.

These are some general guidelines for thinking through how you create and apply boundaries. But what concrete expression might they take in your life? Perhaps a few examples would be helpful. Perhaps your boundaries may include:

‘     Blocking the pay-per-view option at the hotel front desk.

‘     Refusing to make low-blow putdowns during marital disagreements.

‘     Saying ‘no’ when asked to do things on weekends that don’t involve the whole family.

‘     Never being alone with a woman who isn’t your wife.

‘     Turning the channel when there’s too much skin and too little clothing on TV ‘ even if it’s only a commercial.

‘     Refusing to keep self-destructive secrets from your wife.

‘     Never making a significant financial or family decision without first consulting your wife.

Guys, formulating and committing to personal boundaries forces you to take honest stock of your life both practically and spiritually. It means counting the cost of what it’ll take to build a solid spiritual life, and adjusting your expectations to match the reality of being God’s man.

Steve Arterburn

Thoughts on Rest in Recovery

EMB — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 08:14:32 -0400

Say, “When”
A cartoon that recently got my attention depicted a client exclaiming to his counselor, “I’m learning how to relax, doctor—but I want to relax better and faster. I want to be on the cutting edge of relaxation!” I smiled on the outside but a deeper sense of fatigue prompted a time of personal reflection. I was feeling overwhelmed by the demands of a major life transition. My behaviors appeared frantic, as if I was in a run-down between necessary activities and scheduled deadlines. I thought nothing was being done quite right and gave up on ever hearing the words, “You’re safe.”

This downward pattern of thought is a vulnerable place for anyone, but it is especially dangerous to an individual with compulsive tendencies. The temptation to give in to a quick fix presented itself as my way to escape from feeling out of control. It would have been easy to act out and medicate the seeming negativity, but I have learned to better manage situations like this in order to prevent that kind of relapse. I brought to mind a quote from Rollo May, who said, “It is an old and ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way.”

Then I remembered the Lord Jesus’ words recorded in Matthew’s gospel, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Did you know that Christ spoke this during a time of increased opposition to His ministry? That acted as the reality check I needed to identify the problem, break free from the insane thoughts, and find rest within the bounds of a healthier perspective.

The earthly lifestyle of our Savior is the prime example of living a balanced life. A colleague once said, “Jesus--the only person ever to be charged with saving the world—never got in a hurry.” Just prior to preaching in Galilee, cleansing a leper, and healing a paralytic, the Lord “went out and departed to a solitary place” (Mark 1:35). When the disciples finally located Him they said, “Everyone is looking for you” (Mark 1:37). There were urgent matters to be addressed for sure, but He knew the limits of life in the flesh.

People teetering on the edge of burnout usually spend too much time and emotional energy caring for others and too little for themselves. That happens when we attempt to outwork and under-rest everyone we know, including God. I often wonder if Jesus would be hired by a lot of churches if His work habits were well known. My favorite movie is “Regarding Henry.” Harrison Ford plays a powerful and arrogant lawyer whose life is drastically altered when he walks into the middle of an armed robbery and is shot in the head. His injuries leave this character with some long term cognitive deficits. Returning to his office, Henry’s secretary offers him a cup of coffee and cheerfully says; “Say when,” as she pours the milk. The camera pans from the coffee cup to Henry and back again, without a word from him. When the secretary realized her disabled boss would not respond, she finished pouring the milk, handed Henry the cup and cordially said, “When you’ve had enough, you need to say ‘when.’” Later in the movie, Henry is fed up with his old lifestyle of sex, lies and greed, and decides to change. As he walks by his secretary he exclaims, “I’ve had enough, so I’m saying ‘when.’” I was that character—always on, ready and in control. It wasn’t until I experienced a traumatic illness that landed me in the hospital for an entire month that I began to come to terms with the fact that control is God’s realm and I needed to cast aside my plan and take on His yolk. That’s how I learned to say when.

Getting caught up in the fast pace of life is a certainty. A lack of rest can lower a person’s resistance to the place of despair—“who cares.” Any plan for recovery must include an appropriate amount of R & R, and Jesus, Himself, promises to give it. He simply requires that we come to Him. There, in His presence, is where I heard, “You’re safe.”

by Bob Damrau

Trigger Mechanisms

EMB — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 06:32:19 -0400

Trigger mechanisms are painful emotions that are not adequately identified and which lead to compulsive thinking and addictive behaviors (or tension reducers). All people look for ways to reduce the stresses of life. Some chill out in a whirl pool while others cozy up with the latest novel. Some drop in at Starbucks and others drop dead from exercise. These tension reducers are, for the most part, legitimate. It must be said, however, that any good thing when taken to an extreme can become unhealthy. We, as people with a bent toward sexual compulsivity, should pay attention to the trigger mechanisms that serve as stimulants to our addictive cycles. We need to find alternative ways of responding to our feelings.

THE ESCAPE ROUTE Emotions are tricky for compulsive people because most of us have not developed our feeling skills.

• When we can’t tolerate feeling depressed, we tend to seek relief (fantasy thinking)

• When we can’t tolerate feeling isolated, we tend to seek stimulation (unhealthy relationships)

• When we can’t tolerate feeling like a failure, we tend to seek control (entitlement thinking)

• When we can’t tolerate feeling anxious, we tend to seek tranquility (masturbation) • When we can’t tolerate feeling criticized, we tend to seek self-mastery (perfectionism)

STAYING WITH THE FEELING When a sex addict experiences a negative emotion he generally fixes it by taking a drink of lust in order to medicate the feeling. Most addicts have not had any experience from their family of origin in the area of how to have and share feelings. Dealing with feelings is a skill that you can develop and acquire levels of mastery over, once you have practiced it. It’s kind of like growing up and not learning how to maintain a car. It doesn't mean that you are less intelligent or worthwhile because you can't fix a car. You’re simply untrained. If you were to take a class on car maintenance, you would probably be a good mechanic. The difference is that the skills you are exposed to and have learned will dictate how you handle your emotions. Now, expressing feelings in recovery is very important for several reasons.

• In your acting-out days, if you had a feeling, you probably would not know what it was. But if you acted out in some way, the feeling would go away. In this process, you may not have learned to identify feelings and hence can not meet your own real needs.

• In your early recovery, between usually the third to sixth week of abstinence from your acting out behaviors, you may begin to start recognizing feelings. This can seem almost like a thawing out of emotions. It is best to have already begun to identify your feelings so that they don't confuse or overwhelm you and activate the cycle (unidentified feeling -> act out -> feeling disappears). In recovery, you get to feel without acting-out.

• As relapse prevention, if you can identify your feelings, you may better know how to handle or manage these feelings in order to prevent relapses.

• If a slip or relapse occurs, you may be able to track down what emotion(s) preceded this and move forward in your recovery process (identified feeling -> corresponding need -> needs met).

TALK ABOUT IT It is important that you begin to communicate your feelings to a safe person. A safe person is one in your recovery group or a person to whom you are accountable. The person's role is simply to listen, not really give feedback. When sharing your feelings, it is important to maintain eye contact with the person you are sharing them with. This eye contact with a person may feel uncomfortable at first, but will eventually be comfortable to you. This is part of the benefit of this exercise.

TRY IT

1. Identify a feeling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lonely

2. Generate the need present in that feeling . . . . connect with a safe person

3. Act to legitimately meet that need . . . . . . . . . . call a group member

by Bob Damrau

Learning to Live Within Limits in Our Recovery

EMB — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 07:41:53 -0400

Do you like to live within limits? Chances are, if you checked your Sunday school answers at the door, you answered no. Sometimes it becomes very easy to think like our individualistic culture and say, “everything I want can and will be mine.” We may begin to think very much like an entitled two-year old whose favorite word is “mine.”

Unfortunately this attitude can hurt us in the long run. Have you ever watched TV all day, or eaten nothing but junk for one day? By the end of the day you feel no energy for anything. It might have been enjoyable in a small dose but excess leads to misery. And so it goes in our recovery. We have taken a good thing that God made (sex) and overused and misused it to the point that it is no longer truly satisfying.

Because we tend to dislike limits we tend to think pushing the limits will increase satisfaction when all it does is lead us into a prison of misery that may feel hopeless to escape. This tendency to push limits and want more may have cost some their job, wife, children, and /or dignity. More subtly it produces a lack of intimacy leaving relationships feeling empty and unsatisfying. It also may lead to habits that become so ingrained that they go unnoticed.

One of these is hyperstimulation. You know this one. It plays out like this-someone during a meeting at work says something and you smirk because you thought about the obscure sexual innuendo. Your colleague asks you what is funny and you say embarrassed, “Oh, nothing.” Or how about the way the eyes wander when and where they are not supposed to automatically. It’s enough to make a man want to throw his hands up and say, “this is just the way I am wired” and give in to the impulses. What’s missing is an understanding that you have trained yourself to live without limits.

Now its time to train yourself to live within limits. Proverbs 7:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” We have been fools that need wisdom and discipline. God’s Ten Commandments give us perfect picture of what this wisdom and discipline look like. I once had a wise teacher who gave a picture of how the Ten Commandments operate. Imagine life is like a playground. On the playground are lots of games and playground equipment that are fun and good for play. There is a fence around the playground. The teacher tells you that you can have lots of guaranteed safe fun within the limits of the fence. He also tells you that you have the freedom to go outside the fence but he cannot guarantee fun there, in fact you may get hurt.

Gentlemen some of us have played outside the fence and have gotten hurt. The good news is God lets us come back on the playground and have fun with the rest of the kids. This does not mean that the games you played outside of the fence aren’t still attractive or that the games inside the fence seem as fun at first. We now have to go about the task of deadening our taste for those games on the outside and develop a taste for the games on the inside.

Practically we may have to increase accountability about Internet use or terminate it altogether for a time. We may have to get rid of cable. We will need to develop some real intimacy with others and get an accountability partner and an accountability group. Engage in effort to get to know your wife better. Actively engage in more Bible study, meditation, and prayer. Developing and practicing habits like these will begin to ground you and you will grow to appreciate and even cherish the limits of your recovery.

by Clint Thomas

The Lie of Illegitimate Solutions

EMB — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 13:08:39 -0400

We are made for relationships. The Bible is full of all kinds of relationships: relationship with God, towards others, and even towards ourselves. The trinity themselves are a model of relationship. Even more than that, it is a model of intimacy.

It has been said that people who have addictive tendencies are much more aware of their spiritual nature--their deep need for relationship and intimacy. Specifically, there is an acute awareness that something is missing deep inside; a longing for a deep connection and seeking some kind of oneness, fellowship. This need for intimacy is God ordained. We are designed for it. We know from the Bible, being made in the image and likeness of God that this is actually true, and short of having an intimate relationship with God and others, addiction may be as close as we can get to our divine design in this earthly life. As sex addicts, we lack connections with others and in our failure to get our “legitimate needs met in legitimate ways,” we isolate and withdraw into our acting out patterns as a poor substitute for what we really desire, addiction instead of relationship; intensity instead of intimacy.

As individuals isolated and alone we don’t stand a chance!Sexual addiction for most of us, became a way of connecting with ourselves in lieu of knowing how to connect with others on that deep personal level. By the time we had passed through our adolescence and into our twenties, it became a substitute for intimacy with others. A secret self of privacy that was isolated had developed. We didn’t have the communication or relationship skills to do otherwise. Intimacy, the kind that allows us to be fully accepted for who we are, just didn’t happen for us. Let’s see, how was it put at the Every Man’s Battle workshop, “legitimate needs and illegitimate solutions.” Something like that. (By the way, when was the last time you reviewed the Every Man’s Battle workshop notes?) The world makes all kinds of false claims and promises, like, if we would only do this or seek that, the special connection we long for will indeed occur…NOT!!! It may satisfy for the moment or even a season but not for a lifetime. Our particular choice, sexual addiction, in the whole scheme of alternatives is at least focused on the crown of God’s creation, woman. In our worship of women, or at least her body or body parts, in whatever form we have particularized, is still going to fall way short.

False Claims, False Promises satisfy only for a season!As men, what makes us so vulnerable to this form of addiction is that we are hard wired as visual creatures. In the United States, it is my belief that we are trained to become sex addicts. We're told that men stand alone, that being needy is for wimps. We hear messages communicating that women are to be exploited. We hear that anything goes and everything is relative. We're easy prey for the plethora of hyper-stimulation we receive through the portals to our souls, our eyeballs. As individuals, isolated and alone we don’t stand a chance. We are dead meat. So we try as best we can. We stumble and fumble along, alone, isolated. We make promises and covenant with God and others. We are deceived into believing that all we need is more determination or will power and effort. We should be able to overcome it alone, on our own, in our own strength. And then we fail…again and again. Oh, wretched sex addict that I am, what can I do? One of the powerful experiences that takes place during our 5 days together at EMB is the transformation from isolation into community, large group as well as our break out groups. For some of us this may be the first time ever, or at least since we have become entrenched in our addiction, that we have been so open and transparent, felt safe and free to express our brokenness, our neediness honestly without judgment or criticism, and to be vulnerable about our pain.

Enough written. You get my drift. So guys, stay connected. Utilize the tools that have been emphasized from the conference. By staying connected, the ability to manage our addiction will be one hundred times easier.

by Sam Fraser

Help Him Be That Man

EMB — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 08:12:10 -0400

A man once said to D. L. Moody, ‘The world hasn’t yet seen what God can do with a man fully devoted to Him.’ Moody responded, ‘I’m that man!’ One of the differences between Moody’s generation and young men today is that sexual temptations are much more intense now than they were then.

Dads, what if your son were kept free from this draining struggle in the first place? What if his spiritual energy could be spent on God’s call and His Kingdom?

It can be done. Our generation hasn’t seen what God can do with an army of young men free from the burden of sexual temptation and sin. Have you worked hard enough to keep your son pure so that he might qualify for such an army in such a time as this? Can you yourself answer as D. L. Moody did when he said, ‘I’m that man!’

When your son questions what he should watch, how he should respond to the pornography surrounding him, and why he shouldn’t accept the opportunities he’ll have to experiment sexually during his teenage years, will you be there to give him the guidance he desperately needs? It won’t come from his classmates!

Dad, make your voice loud and crystal clear because it’ll likely be the only one which says, ‘Flee immorality, my son.’ And make sure your example matches your message. Stand in the gap, and help your son be God’s man.

Steve Arterburn

When Hope Was Born

EMB — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 08:05:40 -0400

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. Ever since I was a little boy I have felt the excited anticipation of Christmas day approaching. There were the traditions of church services, singing carols, drinking eggnog (non-alcoholic, of course), and lots and lots of wonderful food. The sights, the smells, the sounds – they all filled my heart with a sense of wonder and joy. And then there was the Baby. Ah, the Baby Jesus. Could any other image bring such innocence and purity to the season? This perfect child, conceived by God’s Holy Spirit, and born to the young virgin, Mary.

Can you picture this holy, yet unusual, scene? A city bustling beyond its capacity, a young couple tired from a long journey, an innkeeper with enough mercy to provide a stable, and a night sky filled with twinkling stars awaiting the moment – the moment God becomes a man. Words like peace, joy, and awe come to mind. And in my Christmas nostalgia I smile and take another sip of eggnog.

For many, this is where the season ends. A pleasant nativity, festive music, and all the sweet food you can eat. Christmas has become all about a feeling. But is there more to it? Did something else happen that cool, dark night in Bethlehem? Is there more to the story than the marking of an annual holiday? Yes! Hope was born that starry night. Jesus, though a baby, was also the eternal king, our hope of glory. He came, not to mark off a holiday on the calendar, but rather to set captives free from the shackles of sin, shame, and despair. He was born to offer hope to you and me, broken sinners in need of a savior. What I have come to appreciate most about the Christmas season is remembering that Jesus’ birth was only the beginning of the hope to come. In His birth was the anticipation of the hope that would eventually be realized only through His death on the cross. And by His death (and subsequent resurrection to new life) we were offered hope of freedom from our sin.

Did you know that hope really isn’t hope if what you hope for is never realized? Let me explain. The definition of hope is to desire with expectation of fulfillment. If you hope for something with a sort of fingers-crossed-one-eye-closed-toss-
fairy-dust-over-my-shoulder-while-chanting mentality, you aren’t really hoping; you are wishing. Hope has a certainty to it. This is why we can confidently place our hope in God, because what He says He will do, He does! We can expect Him to fulfill His promises. God said to Abraham, “You will have a son.” At 100 years of age, Abraham had a son. God said to Noah, “A flood will destroy the earth and only those on the ark will be saved.” It rained forty days and nights, and everything was destroyed that was not on the ark. God said to Moses, “You will deliver my people from Egypt.” Moses delivered God’s people from Egypt. Time and time again throughout Scripture God tells His people what He will do. And time after time He keeps His promises. God does what He says He will do. This assurance that He keeps His word helps us to place our hope, our expectation of fulfillment, in Him. He also makes some particularly powerful promises to you and me.

John 10:28 – I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. (NIV) We have hope that nothing (no cause, no opponent, no addiction, nothing!) can remove God’s salvation from us through Christ. Do you believe God will keep His word?

Romans 8:1-2 – Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. (NIV) We have hope of a life free from shame and self-hatred because we have a God who erases the penalty of death we owed by covering us with the life of Christ. God is not ashamed of you. Do you believe God keeps His word?

2 Peter 1:3-4 – His [Christ’s] divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. (NIV) We have hope of walking in purity and wholeness because God has given us everything we need to experience His power to live free from this world’s wickedness. Purity is possible for every man. Do you believe God keeps His word? What is blocking you from having hope?

What lies are pulling you away from the truth that you can expect God to do what He says He will do? Hope in God is not wishing. God promises to finish the good that He started in you. (Phil. 1:6) Will you believe Him to do it and stop resisting His leading? Christmas is a special time of year for me. And not just for all the peripheral festivities that adorn the season. It is special because I am once again reminded that it was at Christmas when Hope was born. May the Hope of the world change your life…

by Jonathan Daugherty

Preparing Your Son

EMB — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 07:20:41 -0400

by Kent Ernsting