First Steps

You are not alone. We know your pain and we want to walk with you through it all. We understand how difficult and heavy it can be for you. As the wife or couple who is dealing with pornography head on, multiple issues have come to the forefront of your life. Below you will find some helpful resources to help you process and heal as a wife or couple.

As a wife who is dealing with a loved one’s porn problem you take on a great deal. The pain and incredible sense of betrayal are hard to get through. The dirty little secret is hard to overcome but not impossible. Every Man's Battle desires spouses to know healing is possible for you and your family. It's not your fault. Recovery can happen, marriages can be saved and families can come together. You may literally be going through hell as the wife or former wife of a man who has chosen to be involved in pornography. We are all in this together. This section of the site is for you as you heal, pray, work through, comprehend and move on. Nothing is impossible and we are here to help.

Consider the New Life Weekend track called Every Heart Restored.

Divorced or Going Through Hell?

You are loved by the God more than your husband could ever love you. You may be taking some of the blame, all of it or none of it. You may be divorced or simply going through hell in your marriage. You may feel grief or anger. You may feel alone. You may be ready to move on with your life. But there is one thing you must do no matter what point you are at: heal. God desires to heal your heart.

Your story is unique and God would like to enter in to and rescue you. The reality is that healing is a process that may never end. It will not happen overnight or when you want it to. Reaching the destination of "healed" is not the point. The point is letting go and letting God in to heal every possible place that you have been

Talk
Your first priority is to find someone to talk with like a close friend, pastor or family member. As you walk toward forgiveness, you need to process things aloud. Talk things out. You will find there is healing in getting everything inside of you out through talking with someone you trust.

Seek
If you are not walking closely with God right now, we encourage you to instill this in your life. Seek him with all your heart. Your relationship with God is your lifeline. God will give you strength to love your spouse unconditionally, with the love of Jesus.

Love
Show some love. Love may be the last thing you feel like showing your spouse right now. You are not to be overshadowed with someone's porn problem. Adopt a "tough love" approach with your spouse. Set clear boundaries for behavior and consequences for breaking them.

Confront
Intervention in some cases your spouse may be unwilling to confront his dirty little secret. With prayer and guidance from friends, family and pastoral care we suggest an intervention. An intervention is a large step and should be undertaken with the highest in care and love.

Do Not
Become angry. This does not solve problems, only elevates them. Most likely your reaction to the problem will be anger and complete frustration. We encourage you to take a step back and let your anger find another outlet other than your spouse. Pray, call a friend, talk to your pastor. You will not be perfect at this but you must actively move away from anger.

The Signs of Sex Addiction

Loss of control. Doing more than you intended or wanted.
Compulsive behavior. A pattern of out-of-control behavior over time.
Efforts to stop. Repeated attempts to stop the behavior which fail.
Loss of time. Significant amounts of time lost seeking, doing and/or recovering from the behavior.
Preoccupation. Obsessing about the behavior or ritual.
Inability to fulfill obligations. The acting out behavior interferes with work, school, family and/or friends.
Continuation despite consequences. Unable to stop the behavior, despite its self-destructive nature and despite the potential negative consequences.
Escalation. Need to make the behavior more intense, more frequent or more risky to get the same 'high.'
Losses. Giving up hobbies, family, friends, and/or work in order to act out.
Withdrawal. When you try to stop the behavior it causes distress, anxiety, restlessness, irritability, or physical discomfort. Many people report feeling depressed