Where do I go next?

Sex has been an issue all my life. Ever since I found stacks of playboys at my grandpa's house, i've looked at things differently.

I've been in ministry for 8 years, and looking at porn has been off and on for all of those. It never seemed to have a grip on me. It never seemed to do a lot of damage. I still haven't had it destroy anything, but I know that it's eating away at my mind, and will one day destroy my ministry entirely if I don't do something.

I've been seeking the Lord these last few years pretty intensely. The more I seek, the more this issue comes up. I can't tell you how many times I've confessed, how much i've apologized to the Lord and asked for forgiveness. His grace is amazing, but I keep returning to it in moments of weakness.

One of the things I'm trying to do is to find people that can ask hard questions, keep me real. As I'm becoming more desperate for someone to share with, I'm realizing how few people I really trust with the information. I've installed xwatch on my computer at home, but the reality is, if I really want to look at porn, just like an alcoholic, I will find it somehow. I'm realizing this subtle addiction is wider than just porn. It's a heart issue. It's almost a sexual dysfunction, and it needs to be dealt with.

I thought about a counselor that I know and trust, and he's 110 dollars an hour. I can't afford that.

I need to find someone who I can talk to. Not solve the problem for me, or anything else. Someone that can steer me in the right direction.

Where's the best place to find this support?