Spouses - Recent Blog Posts
This post is dedicated to my beautiful, tree-like husband….even if he doesn’t think he is beautiful.
It seems I married a sapling….a new believer who was cut down, right and left, by anything that sought to destroy. Years one through three it was the big things, cheating of course being the biggest, but there were other things as well.
I read...
I remember what it felt like to always try to prevent my husband's next fall, slip or dive into the cycle of porn addiction. It was a miserable way to live- constantly trying to make sure all the externals were in place to prevent the next mishap. I didn't want to do things outside of the home if I knew that meant leaving him alone to...
Here is a copy of a blog once again from our friends at Porn to Purity. Jeff & Marsha have an amazing heart for other couples who are faced with this struggle in their relationship. It is Darcy and my prayer that you will be able to take something from this blog away with you that will help.
Marsha and I are sharing insights from the Pure...
The first time I found the porn stash, it was fall of 1997. We had just moved in to a new house, our three-year-old little boy and we. I was home alone one morning, unpacking boxes. At first, I came across some photos obviously downloaded from the Internet of a woman dressed, but barely. My body began to twitch. What is this? I thought. I...
I saw these stats on infidelity and thought they were interesting. Sadly, I thought that some of them looked a little low (see link below).
The section on why people have affairs really struck me. If these studies are accurate, it appears that men have affairs for physical reasons, whereas women have them for more emotional, intimacy-related...
I think this has to be one of the hardest things for the wife of an addict. We are misunderstood from all sides. Our husband's don't get (usually) why this causes such a deep inner sickness in the depths of our heart and our soul. Our church (if they even are willing to get involved) wants to try every approach but how the Bible tells the...
Here's a question that I got in my email inbox recently. I thought it was a good question so I thought I would delete the personal content and repost the question and some of my answer here:
I've read bits and piece of your story and am wondering how you handle hearing details of your husband's addiction. Every time he tells me things I feel...
This blog is from Marsha from Porn to Purity. Marsha and her husband have some very good and sound information and I am very excited to share more from them with you here.
The most frequent question I am asked by wives is “Is there hope for my marriage?” My answer is always “yes” regardless of what their particular situation might be.
I...
I recently had two separate conversations with two different friends about confession and accountability. Both conversations centered around how difficult it is to establish relationships of true accountability. Finding someone that you can confess to requires that there is mutual trust, both parties are willing to be vulnerable, and that there...
Q: My husband has been addicted to porn for years and is trying to walk with the Lord, but refuses to get help. I have prayed and fasted, is our next step confrontation from our pastors?
A. I suspect that your husband is still addicted to pornography partly because he refuses to get help. If he is just starting to work at overcoming he must...
This has been on my heart for a few weeks:
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:12,13
Recently a friend came to the end of...
1. It’s Not About You - I know it hurts; it’s confusing. How could this man be attracted to you if he’s so interested in viewing other drop dead gorgeous women haveing sex? It might not make sense at first, but usually men compartmentalize their actions with you separately from their use of porn. Just because he’s viewing porn, does not mean...
There were so many ‘impossible challenges’ written in scripture. When I think of what Jesus did at the wedding in Cana when the hosts ran out of wine. Jesus mother had faith that He could do something to remedy this. He did. He turned water into wine. (John 2)
How about the fisherman who had been out fishing all night long without a catch...
I posted this a while ago but recently the question of accountability has made it's way into a few comments and a lot of emails. So, I figured it might be a good time to post this one again.
Before you read it I should note that these is no set game plan for accountability. This is what has worked for me. A good friend of mine is her husband's...
I originally wrote the following blog in 2008. Recently I have gone back and reread so many of my older blogs just to compare then and now. This one is a goodie if I am allowed to critique my own blogs. Ha!
Anyway- I will debut a new blog on April 19, 2010 after taking eight months off. So much has happened in the last eight months as the...
I was five months pregnant when I discovered that my husband was hiding a secret addiction to pornography. Many women assume that their husband's relationship with porn has something to do with the way that they look. This was especially true for me. It was impossible for me to compete with the models featured in adult videos and magazines....
J. D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye is one of the greatest American novels of all time. Holden, the teenage character at the heart of this story, is struggling with life, and change, and people, and growing up. In the book he describes this dream to his little sister, Phoebe.
I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in...
I saw this question posted on our site today:
Do you think porn has affected the people around you?
And all the wives shout: YES!
My husband's addiction has certainly affected me and our entire family. It has affected our marriage, our finances, and our relationships with family members and friends. And it has changed me. At first...
I love the first two chapters of Genesis. Who doesn't like new things, fresh starts, or new beginnings? In these two chapters God creates everything and sets it all on its course the way it should be. The way it was created to be. The way it was intended to be. That includes men and women. There is something so intimate about the creation of...
The question “Why Porn” has been asked on this site for the past week. It's an excellent question, really. I know that it's a question I've asked a million times. I've asked myself “why porn” during lots of sleepless nights and anxious days. I've asked my husband, I've asked my friends and support people, and I certainly asked God. I'm sure...
Porn is a ccounterfeit. It is a cheap substitute for the real deal yet many men (and women) fall for it time and time again. Many women try to do the "pay back" when they catch their man cheating. Guess what though? ...that is a counterfeit too.
I was on the Internet today and found this poem. It is quite depressing, but it is a reality for...
Today marks the start of a new year. A new decade, in fact. When I look back over the past 10 years I can hardly recognize who I was then. Ten years ago we were staring out in our young marriage. I had no idea that my husband struggled with an addiction to pornography. I had no idea that this secret addiction would become part of our marriage...
When my husband and I were in the early stages of recovery I took great comfort from hearing stories of other people who were in challenging situations and whose marriages were restored. It helped me to know that I was not alone. In those days I didn't think that the messages of the Advent season, themes of hope and peace and restoration, were...
I have found for me that the key to this is forgiveness and mind renewal.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the offense didn’t happen; it means you are choosing to release the offender from the debt owed to you.
Forgiveness really isn’t for the offender as much as it is for us. When we choose to forgive an offender; an un-repentant offender...
I've said many times that in the beginning of our recovery journey I was looking for the cure. I didn't care about meetings, or accountability, or groups. All I wanted was to find the magic bullet that would end the pain, return everything to what I thought was normal, and allow me to act as if none of the awful things that my husband had done...
Our family spent a day at the beach recently. Even though we only live two hours away from the coast, we don’t get down there very often and my boys are still getting use to playing in the ocean.
My nine year old was comfortable going out about waist deep in the surf, which happened to be right where the waves were breaking. He was getting...
Today is Thanksgiving in the States. A day for eating turkey, watching American football, and most importantly for reflecting on all that we are thankful for. I am thankful for so many things, but I am especially thankful for my husband, who has embraced the recovery journey and for the God who has seen us through it.
I remember years...
The darkest days of our marriage were the first few months after I learned that my husband had committed adultery. I had been well aware of his struggle with pornography but had been made to believe that it was “under control”. Over a year had passed since I had last discovered porn on his computer and I had come to believe that this scary,...
I can remember on our wedding day my pastor reading Genesis 3:29, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
Later in the ceremony Jeff and I lit a unity candle, creating a word picture of this one flesh concept. Two separate independent lives were joining together to...
We all have a story. I do, you do, my weird neighbor who shovels the snow off of his lawn does – we all have a story. Over the years I have become very comfortable sharing our story of sexual addiction; the story of my husband's transgressions, my responses, and God's grace. I didn’t used to be comfortable sharing our story. I thought that my...