Sometimes I'd rather be dead.

I have had a problem ever since i can remember... ever since I hit puberty I've been very uncomfortable with my body. I've always felt like no one could ever love me or that I was ugly or that no one would ever want to have sex with me. I remember first looking at porn and masturbating as a release and escape from everyone who could and never would want to love me. Over periods of time I've come to hate myself, truly and purely. I have been raised a Christian and I love Christ a whole lot ,but I feel as if I let him down every time the temptations become to great. I feel as if sometimes when I lose the battle I'd rather be dead ,because of how much I hate living in chains... because of how much pain these things cause. Ever since I started this I've been lying to my parents ,and its gotten to the point where they have given up on me ever not looking at porn and masturbating. Above all else the one thing that hurts more than anything in the entire word is that I can't stay pure for my girlfriend... The one person who means more to me than anything, the one person who does actually love me. It is so painful, and some damaging that I would do anything to rid myself of this affliction.

can anyone help me, can anyone give me hope...